Recently, my husband and I visited a nice church and met a guy in his 60's. He mentioned how his mother had recently passed away and on her death bed, she told him who his real father was. It was not the man who raised him. Or was it? Biologically speaking, no it is not. But, a man that raises another women's child can be just as good of a father, if not better, than the biological father. Every situation is different but I have personally seen great step Dad's in my family including my own husband... I digress....So, his step father was not his father. I was shocked to hear that he would find out at such a late time in his life. How can a parent keep that secret for so many years? He said he was not expecting to hear that but he did come to terms with it. After all, his mom was gone and he has lived a good life up to that moment. Yes, he was not too happy about it but he was moving on with his life and did not hold anything against his mother.
What if he learned about it in his early 20's? Maybe he would have taken it very differently. Was his "real" dad a bad person and that is why his mother did not tell him? We didn't get that far in the conversation but maybe she was trying to protect him. Maybe she didn't like his dad. Who knows.
In my opinion, I believe that every single child should know who their biological parent is. Period. Preferably when they are old enough to understand the difference. If the child knows that the step parent is not their biological parent and yet they are loved by that step parent, that is all that matters. I give the step parent who loves their step child as their own much credit for their commitment and devotion to the family they chose to be with for life. Not an easy task yet there are many men and women out there who deserve more credit then they will ever receive. God bless you if you are one of them!
I've seen in my own family how my kids were not treated well by their stepmother when they were younger. Still to this day, her children are more important in every way and she has fully trained her husband, my ex, to follow her wishes. Sad but true.
Please, do not decide to marry someone with kids from a previous relationship, unless you are 100% committed to their children as part of your family even if they never live with you. Especially if they are younger. If they are adults now, you will need to respect and learn to love them just because they are your spouses kids and do for them as you would your own adults kids.
