There are 4 important foundations necessary to your success as a blended family. First is your relationship with your creator. Our love for Jesus Christ and following Him gives us strength and patience, forgiveness and love for others especially our own family. Next, your relationship with your spouse and how you work together in your new marriage is going to get you through difficult times. Your commitment to each other and to raising all the kids as a new family is important. When you both decided to get married, you knew it would be blended because of the fact you both had kids from a previous relationship. Hopefully, you both truly love each other and are willing to make your new marriage and family successful and blessed.
The second pillar is building unification and trust in your newly blended family. Creating new traditions like church attendance and prayer together, loving support, regular specific time together as a family and open communication when needed. The kids will need to get to know you and each other in the home. You will need to learn how to relate to each child and work together as husband and wife with discipline and understanding especially in the beginning.
Third, learning how to co-parent with your Ex. This is huge and is usually the biggest issue in the blended family. You do not want to allow outside influences to get between you and your spouses relationship. Respect and honor are necessary with the biological parents who are not in the home. Responding to them peacefully, even if they are not nice to you. Remember, they may not be on the same page as you and you can not control their behavior. Only yours. So, keeping the peace for the kids sake and the peace of your home is important.
Fourth, understand your boundaries as a step parent. As a step parent you are NOT THE parent but a loving adult who cares about your step kids as IF they were your own. We must allow our spouse to co parent with their Ex without too much interference. A major problem that I have seen over the years is when the Moms sometimes compete with who is the boss because as a step mom you are now married to a man who you believe should be pleasing you and not the Ex. But when it comes to the kids, he should be trying to co parent, not to please you or the EX, But to make sure the kids understand they are loved and parented by both of their biological parents.
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