God is our heavenly Father and He created us. If we choose not to respect and honor our parents, we will not respect and honor God, our heavenly Father. When God says we are to honor our parents, He never says to honor parents only if they are good or perfect. Obviously, no parent is perfect. That is the point. We honor our parents because they gave us life but not because we agree with everything they have done. I choose to love and honor my parents even when I do not agree with many things they do.
Even though I have honored and respected my parents my entire life, as I was taught to, recently, I have seen my own adult kids not respect or honor me. After much pain and enduring of this over the past 10 years or so, God showed me that if I do not honor HIM in my choices, my kids would find it hard to honor me. They have known me as a believer their entire lives. Over the past 10 years or so, I have literally begun a struggle with alcohol. Just wine, but wine is bad enough. Nobody ever starts drinking and plans to become an alcoholic.
One day, on my 50th birthday, my husband took me out to dinner. I drank 3 chocolate martinis and I literally was knocked out in the car on the way home. By 7pm when we returned I went straight to bed and did not wake up until the next morning.
When I woke up, I was so mad at myself! That was the beginning of my problem. It took me about 5 years to really admit I even had a problem after that evening.. After all, I was just drinking wine right? Wrong! Boy was I wrong. Then I had some serious issues with my daughter and it broke my heart to the core. The pain was so bad. I began using the wine to temporarily numb my excruciating pain.
In March of 2023, I began my journey of quitting wine drinking. I was good for almost 3 months and then gave in. 2 months later, I stopped again. Pain came around and all I wanted to do was numb it all. I repented so many times and begged God to give me the strength to walk away for good. I knew I needed His help.
After about 7 attempts, I am finally free. Do you know why? Because I know now that I need to honor my Heavenly Father. It does not look good when a believer gets drunk and falls asleep at 7pm on the couch nightly. My son saw me do this alot while he lived with us. He also saw me weeping for and praying for my relationship with my other kids and grandkids. But, the drinking was not honorable, and It truly humbled me being so weak and not a good example for my kids. After looking at it from that perspective, I was delivered because I chose to be the best of what God is calling me to be. I will now run to God when I feel pain. No more running to wine to numb me temporarily. It’s a total lie from the devil who wants us to believe that God does not care and that we will never stop. Not True and No More! God is faithful.
Recently, my husband and I visited a nice church and met a guy in his 60's. He mentioned how his mother had recently passed away and on her death bed, she told him who his real father was. It was not the man who raised him. Or was it? Biologically speaking, no it is not. But, a man that raises another women's child can be just as good of a father, if not better, than the biological father. Every situation is different but I have personally seen great step Dad's in my family including my own husband... I digress....So, his step father was not his father. I was shocked to hear that he would find out at such a late time in his life. How can a parent keep that secret for so many years? He said he was not expecting to hear that but he did come to terms with it. After all, his mom was gone and he has lived a good life up to that moment. Yes, he was not too happy about it but he was moving on with his life and did not hold anything against his mother.
What if he learned about it in his early 20's? Maybe he would have taken it very differently. Was his "real" dad a bad person and that is why his mother did not tell him? We didn't get that far in the conversation but maybe she was trying to protect him. Maybe she didn't like his dad. Who knows.
In my opinion, I believe that every single child should know who their biological parent is. Period. Preferably when they are old enough to understand the difference. If the child knows that the step parent is not their biological parent and yet they are loved by that step parent, that is all that matters. I give the step parent who loves their step child as their own much credit for their commitment and devotion to the family they chose to be with for life. Not an easy task yet there are many men and women out there who deserve more credit then they will ever receive. God bless you if you are one of them!
I've seen in my own family how my kids were not treated well by their stepmother when they were younger. Still to this day, her children are more important in every way and she has fully trained her husband, my ex, to follow her wishes. Sad but true.
Please, do not decide to marry someone with kids from a previous relationship, unless you are 100% committed to their children as part of your family even if they never live with you. Especially if they are younger. If they are adults now, you will need to respect and learn to love them just because they are your spouses kids and do for them as you would your own adults kids.
