Marriage is not 50/50. It should always be 100/100. In the beginning, you may not want to and will test your spouse or wait for them to do 100% first and if they don’t, you will step back and do less also. Big, huge mistake. True love in marriage is committed to 100%. You give 100% from day 1 and you will be surprised at how grateful they are and will not hesitate to return 100%. When we first realize that we are falling love, it could be a bit scary at first but with God in your relationship, take a step of faith, one day at time. Imagine how amazing your marriage could be if you both just loved one another and gave your all. Apologizing when you screwed up. Giving your all to your spouses kids as well as your own. It is possible.
I noticed when we were first were married 23 years ago, my husband was somewhat hesitant and I could tell. I knew he loved me but there was some holding back at first. I gave him all and was there for him and after a small amount of time he began just giving more and more of himself to our relationship. We both came from a previous marriage that did not end well and beginning a new one could have been more difficult. Just remember to be sure you are both ready to dive in and dedicate everything to one another when you decide to get married.
It’s not always easy. Beginning a new marriage with your kids and your spouse. Moving in together and getting to know one another. Understanding each other, building relationships with all the kids in order to maintain peace and joy in your home. Outside influences are mixed in at a certain level also. It will take time to build a new foundation of trust.
First things first. God and your relationship with HIM is always priority. Then, You and your spouse need to put each other first in your marriage. Support each other. Then the kids come next, whether they are yours or your spouses. In this order, you will both know instinctively how important all the kids are because they are your spouses kids and yours, period. Meaning, you love God who brought you together and wants you to love your spouse. You love your spouse so you naturally want to love and care for their kids in the best way you know how.
Take one day at a time. Be patient with each other and the kids. Pray together often. Trust God to bring you through the tough times and the enjoy the good days.
Just as we have a heavenly Father who we are to honor, God created family with parents that we are commanded to honor. Ephesians 6:2-3
Why wouldn’t we? After all, even though all parents are imperfect, God designed us to honor them. I grew up with a beautiful mom who became a Christian when I was about 10 years old. I started going to church with her and gave my heart to Jesus at the age of 12. Right around that time, my Dad, who was not a believer struggled to stay with my mom and left us.
This was a difficult time for us as a family. My father has since then apologized to me and my siblings and even my Mom for leaving. Eventually he did end up getting remarried to another woman and had 2 more kids. He knows he made a mistake many years ago. I still remember watching him walk out of the house with his suitcase and leaving us. I remember feeling so so sad and empty because I loved Dad and couldn’t understand how he could walk away. Even though we all went through painful times back then, we forgave him and understand now, as adults, how things can fall apart just because we are broken people. All of humanity is broken and many of us grow up in hurtful situations due to our parents growing up in hurtful situations. That is life.
Now that I’m in my late 50’s, I understand this even more. God knows this better than we do and still wants us to honor our parents. It’s His first commandment with promise. Of course, we will never be in total agreement with everything our parents do. We are all different, even as we grow in our faith, we naturally have different opinions about many things. God still knows that having children and raising them the best we know how will still have us fall short yet He expects us to honor and respect our parents.
So, what does it mean to Honor our parents? Remember, God does not say honor them if they do everything right. He says, honor your parents regardless because they chose to bring you into the world and raise you. For example, many of us honor the military for their sacrifice and dedication to our country. They are not perfect but they are doing something super amazing in my view. Really, having some consideration and respect while in your parent’s home or having conversation is simple and not that complicated. It takes time, resources, commitment and unconditional love to care for our kids. It takes true sacrifice to be a good parent. Life is all about giving and building a strong family foundation so our kids will learn and grow up to do better than we did. That is what most parents want and strive for. A better life and legacy that we can pass on to our kids.
If you are struggling to love and honor your parents, I pray that God will give you a desire to forgive them and see them differently even if they hurt you in the past. Forgiving does not mean you agree with what they did to hurt you. You are not suggesting that by forgiving them, they are right. Forgiveness is always for our emotional and spiritual benefit because then you will have peace in life. Holding a grudge and being bitter about how someone hurt you is not going to make things better. It only hurts you. Pray for those who hurt you, including your parents. Remember that you are not perfect and have made mistakes also. The same way God gives us mercy and grace every single day, we need to have a heart of forgiveness and grace toward others, especially our parents and family members.
How many times in your walk with Jesus, have you questioned the events that have happened in your day to day living? I can’t even count how many. I’m in my late 50’s and have been a believer since I was 12. There are too many to count for me but as much as I know that my God exists, and I’ve seen God answer the most seemingly impossible prayer requests over my lifetime, there are still questions that do arise.
What is most important is knowing that you know. Like a small 5 year old that will believe anything their parent tells them because they know that their Mom or Dad is smart and loves them. They don’t understand the meaning of love and trust, but their inner being and their heart knows better. God created us to be able to trust Him with faith. Believing that He knows better than we could ever know because He knows the future and He wants the best for us. He does not force us to believe though. He created us to decide what we wanted to do and never wanted to force someone to love or trust Him. That is what faith is all about. When we can’t see the future, or understand what in the world is going on in our life, we will know that God will work it out.
An unbeliever will not see things the same way. They usually will question why God would allow people to suffer. “If God is so good, how could he allow bad things to happen?” is usually the big question. This is a crazy world with evil in it. God created us knowing that Adam would sin but then God would send His only son Jesus Christ, to pay for our sin on the cross. In the mean time, there is still evil because not everyone in the world chooses to do good. We, as believers, fall everyday too. I still believe that God is good and He planned it so we would be able to choose Him and want to be close to Him. Life is not perfect and just because we believe in God doesn’t mean we will never go through difficult times. It means we will have HIM to comfort and support while we go through our trials.
Think about it…. as a believer who has gone through some trials in life, haven’t you learned from them? Did you grow spiritually in your understanding of what God was trying to teach you? I did. I do every single time. Even now, while I’m in the trial of my life, I have learned to trust God, knowing that His Grace is sufficient for me and the more I pray and seek Him, He reveals Himself in the most amazing ways. God always has a plan who knows the future, knows how many hairs are on our head and loves us unconditionally. Trusting God comes from going through difficult and pain full times coming out on the other end victoriously.
Read Philippians 4:6-7
There are no perfect parents, but most of us truly love our kids unconditionally and always want the best for them. Yet, we make mistakes because we, ourselves, grow up with pain from our parents too, who also grew up in imperfect homes. There is a spiritual battle going on that we need to recognize, as believers.
The only way to really move on is to realize this fact, that nobody is raised in a perfect environment. God’s grace is new every morning. His command to forgive 70 times 7 toward each offense is not unrealistic but sometimes difficult depending on the situation.
Add onto this, the trauma of a divorce with kids in our mix. We need to take a breath…. and know that we are not the only ones that go through it and need to learn from it.
I was married at the age of 18 while pregnant. I went to a Christian high school and grew up in the church with a heart after God but after graduation, I went on my merry way and moved out to move to NYC with my cousins. They were good to me but I fell away from Jesus and my faith as a young adult. I met a neighbor of my cousin in the Bronx and we started messing around. I never fell in love with him but decided to get married anyway. I don’t regret my decision because my kids are such a blessing to me and I would never want to change the fact they are mine. I just was not fully there, mentally or emotionally, as a mom being so young. I loved them but I just wasn’t ready to pay attention.
After 14 years of marriage and 4 kids, we began going to counseling which led our counselor to suggest that we separate temporarily. He refused to leave, so I went to stay with my sister. I told him I would come back to the house daily to make sure the kids were ok while he was at work. One day, while the kids were in school, I came to the house and my neighbor told me she saw him take my clothes from the closet into his car. I checked the closet and all my clothes were gone along with a check from our tenant who was renting our first home in Philly. My ex took that check for himself and did not pay the mortgage. He didn’t use the money to feed his kids or make sure the electric was on. We lost that house to foreclosure.
I decided I needed to come back and I changed the locks on the front door. He broke the window while I was at work, so I then had to file court order for him not to come back without me knowing. He left for his Mom’s house but didn’t tell me. We then lost our main home to foreclosure shortly after that. I had apply for child support and we moved to an apartment in NJ where my new job was. My kids went through much trauma at that time due to all the craziness they saw. I wish it didn’t happen that way, but he just was not doing the right thing at the time.
It’s a sad story but a year and a half later, I met my now husband, Eric and I have been together since 2001. Married over 23 years to an amazing man that I am so grateful for.
There are many levels of disappointments. If you order food and something is wrong with it, you can be disappointed. If you set a goal to lose a few pounds and find it difficult to stay on your diet and lose the weight, you may be disappointed in yourself right? Then there are major, painful disappointments that do happen between trusted family or friends and yourself by their actions. Sometimes, there is so much pain in it and you are not sure if your relationship will ever be the same again.
That is what I want to write about today. The painful stuff doesn’t happen very often and it doesn’t always last forever but it can be so catastrophic that you aren’t sure how to deal with it. Maybe you did something they didn’t agree with or like and they reacted wrong, or vice versa. Done by someone you love, like your adult kids.
Whoever is a fault, we know that God wants us to always be forgiving. Forgiving is the easy part for me. I am not a judgmental type person. I’ve always been that person who tries to understand other’s actions before I would get upset, but always have a forgiving heart for them. Not easy. I just know that is the heart of God. His love is so deep for us, merciful and forgiving. He wants us to be the same so I try my best to do as God wants because I need forgiveness from God every single day!
If you are going through some sort of deep disappointment with family or a loved one, I want to offer a FREE Prayer Devotional Download to you so we could go through it together or you can do it on your own. It’s up to you. Remember, all the pain journeys and trials we endure are meant to draw us closer to our God and to learn that He is always with us during the darkest times. I pray that God will bring peace and hope for you and your relationships. Click on the link below to sign up and it will bring you to the landing page to subscribe to our weekly emails and have access to new free downloads. God bless you!
