God is our heavenly Father and He created us. If we choose not to respect and honor our parents, we will not respect and honor God, our heavenly Father. When God says we are to honor our parents, He never says to honor parents only if they are good or perfect. Obviously, no parent is perfect. That is the point. We honor our parents because they gave us life but not because we agree with everything they have done. I choose to love and honor my parents even when I do not agree with many things they do.
Even though I have honored and respected my parents my entire life, as I was taught to, recently, I have seen my own adult kids not respect or honor me. After much pain and enduring of this over the past 10 years or so, God showed me that if I do not honor HIM in my choices, my kids would find it hard to honor me. They have known me as a believer their entire lives. Over the past 10 years or so, I have literally begun a struggle with alcohol. Just wine, but wine is bad enough. Nobody ever starts drinking and plans to become an alcoholic.
One day, on my 50th birthday, my husband took me out to dinner. I drank 3 chocolate martinis and I literally was knocked out in the car on the way home. By 7pm when we returned I went straight to bed and did not wake up until the next morning.
When I woke up, I was so mad at myself! That was the beginning of my problem. It took me about 5 years to really admit I even had a problem after that evening.. After all, I was just drinking wine right? Wrong! Boy was I wrong. Then I had some serious issues with my daughter and it broke my heart to the core. The pain was so bad. I began using the wine to temporarily numb my excruciating pain.
In March of 2023, I began my journey of quitting wine drinking. I was good for almost 3 months and then gave in. 2 months later, I stopped again. Pain came around and all I wanted to do was numb it all. I repented so many times and begged God to give me the strength to walk away for good. I knew I needed His help.
After about 7 attempts, I am finally free. Do you know why? Because I know now that I need to honor my Heavenly Father. It does not look good when a believer gets drunk and falls asleep at 7pm on the couch nightly. My son saw me do this alot while he lived with us. He also saw me weeping for and praying for my relationship with my other kids and grandkids. But, the drinking was not honorable, and It truly humbled me being so weak and not a good example for my kids. After looking at it from that perspective, I was delivered because I chose to be the best of what God is calling me to be. I will now run to God when I feel pain. No more running to wine to numb me temporarily. It’s a total lie from the devil who wants us to believe that God does not care and that we will never stop. Not True and No More! God is faithful.
Just as we have a heavenly Father who we are to honor, God created family with parents that we are commanded to honor. Ephesians 6:2-3 Why wouldn't we? After all, even though all parents are imperfect, God designed us to honor them. I grew up with a beautiful mom who became a Christian when I was about 10 years old. I started going to church with her and gave my heart to Jesus at the age of 12. Right around that time, my Dad, who was not a believer struggled to stay with my mom and left us.
This was a difficult time for us as a family. My father has since then apologized to me and my siblings and even my Mom for leaving. Eventually he did end up getting remarried to another woman and had 2 more kids. He knows he made a mistake many years ago. I still remember watching him walk out of the house with his suitcase and leaving us. I remember feeling so so sad and empty because I loved Dad and couldn't understand how he could walk away. Even though we all went through painful times back then, we forgave him and understand now, as adults, how things can fall apart just because we are broken people. All of humanity is broken and many of us grow up in hurtful situations due to our parents growing up in hurtful situations. That is life.
Now that I'm in my late 50's, I understand this even more. God knows this better than we do and still wants us to honor our parents. It's His first commandment with promise. Of course, we will never be in total agreement with everything our parents do. We are all different, even as we grow in our faith, we naturally have different opinions about many things. God still knows that having children and raising them the best we know how will still have us fall short yet He expects us to honor and respect our parents.
So, what does it mean to Honor our parents? Remember, God does not say honor them if they do everything right. He says, honor your parents regardless because they chose to bring you into the world and raise you. For example, many of us honor the military for their sacrifice and dedication to our country. They are not perfect but they are doing something super amazing in my view. Really, having some consideration and respect while in your parent's home or having conversation is simple and not that complicated. It takes time, resources, commitment and unconditional love to care for our kids. It takes true sacrifice to be a good parent. Life is all about giving and building a strong family foundation so our kids will learn and grow up to do better than we did. That is what most parents want and strive for. A better life and legacy that we can pass on to our kids.
If you are struggling to love and honor your parents, I pray that God will give you a desire to forgive them and see them differently even if they hurt you in the past. Forgiving does not mean you agree with what they did to hurt you. You are not suggesting that by forgiving them, they are right. Forgiveness is always for our emotional and spiritual benefit because then you will have peace in life. Holding a grudge and being bitter about how someone hurt you is not going to make things better. It only hurts you. Pray for those who hurt you, including your parents. Remember that you are not perfect and have made mistakes also. The same way God gives us mercy and grace every single day, we need to have a heart of forgiveness and grace toward others, especially our parents and family members.
