Marriage is not 50/50. It should always be 100/100. In the beginning, you may not want to and will test your spouse or wait for them to do 100% first and if they don't, you will step back and do less also. Big, huge mistake. True love in marriage is committed to 100%. You give 100% from day 1 and you will be surprised at how grateful they are and will not hesitate to return 100%. When we first realize that we are falling love, it could be a bit scary at first but with God in your relationship, take a step of faith, one day at time. Imagine how amazing your marriage could be if you both just loved one another and gave your all. Apologizing when you screwed up. Giving your all to your spouses kids as well as your own. It is possible.
I noticed when we were first were married 21 years ago, my husband was somewhat hesitant and I could tell. I knew he loved me but there was some holding back at first. I gave him all and was there for him and after a small amount of time he began just giving more and more of himself to our relationship. We both came from a previous marriage that did not end well and beginning a new one could have been more difficult. Just remember to be sure you are both ready to dive in and dedicate everything to one another when you decide to get married.
It's not always easy. Beginning a new marriage with your kids and your spouse. Moving in together and getting to know one another. Understanding each other, building relationships with all the kids in order to maintain peace and joy in your home. Outside influences are mixed in at a certain level also. It will take time to build a new foundation of trust.
First things first. God and your relationship with HIM is always priority. Then, You and your spouse need to put each other first in your marriage. Support each other. Then the kids come next, whether they are yours or your spouses. In this order, you will both know instinctively how important all the kids are because they are your spouses kids and yours, period. Meaning, you love God who brought you together and wants you to love your spouse. You love your spouse so you naturally want to love and care for their kids in the best way you know how.
Take one day at a time. Be patient with each other and the kids. Pray together often. Trust God to bring you through the tough times and the enjoy the good days.
After about a year of being a single Mom of 4 beautiful kids, I was mentally exhausted and needed a break. I called my sister in the Poconos of Pennsylvania where she lived and asked her if I could drop my 4 kids off so I could go see my Dad in NY. Of course, she said, "no problem." I drove a couple of hours to her house, dropped my kids off and off to Long Island I went.
When I got to my Dads house, I wanted to go to a local club that evening and he was not up to going with me so I looked one up in the yellow pages. I told my Dad, "I'll go to this place alone. I don't care. I just need some relief." I walked into this place alone and ordered a beer. Then, I walked over to the dance floor. As i was dancing on the dance floor, I looked over by the front and saw a really handsome man walk in. He got my attention. He and his friend went over to the bar. I followed after him. His friend hit on me but I was not interested. I asked him, " hey, who is your friend? " and he introduced us. That was the beginning of the best of my life. By the end of the night we could not stop talking and so we exchanged phone numbers. Over a week later, he finally called me.
It turns out, he left my number in his friends car who he didn't see for a few days. When he finally called, we arranged for him to come see me at my home that weekend in Pa. He was a complete gentleman and slept on the couch downstairs. My kids were upstairs. Our conversation continued the entire weekend getting to know each other. Within 3 months, he moved in with me and my kids. I trusted him completely. No I was not going to church at the time. I do not recommend or will encourage shopping for a man in a bar to anyone. I'm just being honest how things progressed.
After a year and a half, we decided to get married and that was 21 years ago. The absolute best decision I have ever made. He gave his heart to Jesus within a year of us living together and we were married shortly thereafter. He was baptized a few years later. This man I married is totally committed to me and my family and has been a hard working man who loves my kids and now our grandchildren. My entire family loves him because of how good he has been to us. I am so grateful to God for sending him to me so quickly after my divorce.
We have been through so much chaos over the years especially in the beginning. That is a huge reason why we decided to begin this journey with Success From The Source. We have learned so much and came through victoriously in the worst of the worst stressful situations.
Recently, this topic has become very popular. I know this because it is happening in our family and started for me over 10 years ago. More about that later... Because our blog is about Christian families, I knew I had to share my heart on this but took some time to really do some research and pray for wisdom. While on Facebook a few weeks ago, a Christian Mom's group for estranged adult kids with almost 5,000 mom members just popped on my screen even though I was not looking for it. That is just one group but there are many more like that available to join. I joined it immediately and I have to say I was shocked at what I read. I always thought I was alone in this situation. But, so did all the other moms in the group, until we began reading each other's posts . Finding out that I was not alone in this painful situation actually helped me so much. This particular group is very encouraging.
if you are not in this situation, you may be wondering why an adult child of ours would want to estrange themselves from Christian Moms? They must have done something horrible to their kids right? Not necessarily. In fact, most of us are not even aware of what we have done wrong to make our kids want to estrange themselves completely from us. We know we are not perfect. We know and are aware that we may have made some minor mistakes or normal disagreements, etc like any other mother and child relationship. We are not claiming to be perfect. Whatever the issue may be, I'm sure we would all want to make things right. Many of our adult kids grew up in the church and are now not interested, fell away or just stopped believing that Jesus, or any other religion for that matter, has any importance or authority in their lives anymore.
What is causing them to walk away? I believe it is the enemy, the devil, who wants to kill, steal and destroy our lives, families and relationships. Many of our adult kids who are in this group have shared that their kids are watching and sharing on social media these sick videos mostly on Tiktok but also on Youtube and other places that encourage separation from your parents emotionally and relationally. These videos are influencing our kids that parents do not need to be honored, respected or listened to about anything at all. They are encouraging total disrespect since we are apparently narcissistic and don't deserve anything. It is an evil lie from satan himself who wants to destroy the family unit and is being hugely successful right now in our society.
Break down the family. Encourage abortion. Encourage marriage between same sex couples who can not have a biological child between them. Teach kids that they were born the wrong sex and teach them in school that they can be better if they trans gender themselves. In fact, just don't get married at all. Having no God fearing, loving families in our community will work perfectly in a broken down society where God is not honored. We need to pray for our kids!
One thing I want to encourage is that we continue to pray for our kids. This is so important. While we wait for God to really draw our kids back to Him and us as their parents, we will trust that He will do it. We will not take things personally and remember that the enemy may have a foot hold on them but we are believing God to heal and restore our kids back to the Father and us because we love them unconditionally.
Next, do not allow the enemy to bring you condemnation and guilt. If you have tried to make things right, or you know what you have done may have been hurtful to your kids and want to make things right, take that step to do so. If they refuse to talk to you, forgive you or even listen, then put them in God's hands. Keep praying, keep loving and believing God for a miracle. We all know God is capable and desires that our families are at peace and blessed. Right now, the enemy is trying so hard to destroy us, trample us with guilt and destruction but we must continue to fight back in the spirit! Stand your ground. Do not pussy foot around your kids because you think they will not like something. You raised them. If you are a God fearing Mom, continue to be who God made you. Repent when you are wrong or have made a mistake and ask forgiveness but do not tip toe around them. Live your God given joyful, full of faith, praying Momma life without apology.
Check out Part 2 of my estranged parent story here.
God bless you and keep believing and trusting our Heavenly Father to restore our families back to us! Let's do this together!
It's been well over a year since my husband and I decided to begin sharing our blended family experiences and support. Well, well well....finally we are getting somewhere. There were multiple pauses during our planning but that is ok. In God's timing, all things work out just right!In the mean time, I wanted to share a little bit about what's on my heart lately. It's a crazy world right now. Our faith is being tested daily. There are questions we have and how to deal with different issues in our home and society. I'd like to encourage anyone who reads this... If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, we can trust HIM to be with us through it all. He will never leave us. His word is true and He does Not lie. He is our comfort and the one who will guide us, if we ask Him.
The main reason I even wanted to share what we have learned over the past 22 years as a blended family, is to be a source of support spiritually for any couple/family who needs it. I don't have all the answers, but God does and when we can pray for each other, and create a community of love, wisdom and support, it may take some of the pressure off and provide more peace.
