In one of my recent videos, I spoke about feeling distant with your spouse. One of the reasons is due to your communication, or lack there of. Actually, not speaking is a form of communication, and not a very fruitful one. Sometimes, out of frustration or hurt, you back away from your spouse. If that is happening, you definitely want to turn that around. Not sure how? Well, I always remind myself why I love him. No spouse is perfect but we should remind ourselves of the positive traits they have and choose to encourage and support them on a daily basis.
When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do after I turn on my coffee maker, is begin praying. I thank God for all of His blessings. I thank God for my husband and family, our health, our income, our home, and all the opportunities that will come our way during the day for us to bless another in some way. Being full of gratitude really does make a difference. Focusing on the good has always been my goal and it definitely helps my mental and emotional awareness.
If we have a disagreement about something, we both try to discuss why we have different views on that situation. I first try to see things from his perspective and not just insist that my way or view is better. Trying to understand each other takes effort. Take a breath and listen while they are speaking. Look at their heart. Communicating each other’s true feelings about something and understanding how each other got to that view, even if we don’t fully agree is so important for your relationship. Giving in and not being stubborn about everything will open up your relationship to more deep conversation which builds trust over time. Learn to give and not always take. Learning to receive from your spouse is also a good thing. Growing your relationship for a lifetime requires commitment and true love.
Blissfulness is basically reaching a state of perfect happiness. Even though we may be so grateful for who God sent to us to live a happy married life with, no marriage is ever without disagreements and faults. Marriage bliss is possible but life itself is always going to have troubles, ups and downs, stress, etc. I wanted to encourage you both to appreciate and support one another always. Blended or not, marriage itself can, and should be, a life long commitment to each other.
Eric and I have been married for 22 years now. We both were married before briefly and had kids with our previous spouses, thus the name, Blended! Things did not work out the first time in our previous marriage but it is absolutely working out now. I am forever grateful to God who brought my husband into my life. God knew exactly what I needed. That is why God is so good. He knew before he created us in our mother’s womb, that we would be imperfect. Before the foundation of the world, God’s plan was to send HIS son into the world to suffer and die on the cross for our imperfections and sin. He did it because He loves us unconditionally and eternally. With all that said, we all make our own choices and we all must live with the consequences of our mistakes but His Grace is sufficient for us all.
Before you make that life long commitment to one another, pray and ask God if this is the one. You many know already, after getting to know that person over time. Sometimes, it could be questionable. Only the two of you will really know.
With Eric and I, we were together for a little over a year when I was working in a nail salon. One day, A nice woman came in to get her nails done. We chit chatted for a few minutes while I began her manicure and then she asked me if she could share a Word that she believed God wanted me to hear. I responded, “Wow! of course you can! I am a believer and would love to hear it!” She proceeded to tell me that God brought my boyfriend into my life and to get married. She didn’t tell me anything that was a surprise but it was a confirmation. I was excited and on the way home after work, I stopped at Eric’s job to tell him the good news. He was excited too. We decided to get married about 3 months later. That was December 7th, 2002. The best day of our lives.
Has it been blissful ever day since then? Nope. But we learned to understand each other and support each other in all situations. Trust God every single day, even when life gets tough, painful and even confusing.
After about a year of being a single Mom of 4 beautiful kids, I was mentally exhausted and needed a break. I called my sister in the Poconos of Pennsylvania where she lived and asked her if I could drop my 4 kids off so I could go see my Dad in NY. Of course, she said, “no problem.” I drove a couple of hours to her house, dropped my kids off and off to Long Island I went.
When I got to my Dads house, I wanted to go to a local club that evening and he was not up to going with me so I looked one up in the yellow pages. I told my Dad, “I’ll go to this place alone. I don’t care. I just need some relief.” I walked into this place alone and ordered a beer. Then, I walked over to the dance floor. As i was dancing on the dance floor, I looked over by the front and saw a really handsome man walk in. He got my attention. He and his friend went over to the bar. I followed after him. His friend hit on me but I was not interested. I asked him, ” hey, who is your friend? ” and he introduced us. That was the beginning of the best of my life. By the end of the night we could not stop talking and so we exchanged phone numbers. Over a week later, he finally called me.
It turns out, he left my number in his friends car who he didn’t see for a few days. When he finally called, we arranged for him to come see me at my home that weekend in Pa. He was a complete gentleman and slept on the couch downstairs. My kids were upstairs. Our conversation continued the entire weekend getting to know each other. Within 3 months, he moved in with me and my kids. I trusted him completely. No I was not going to church at the time. I do not recommend or will encourage shopping for a man in a bar to anyone. I’m just being honest how things progressed.
After a year and a half, we decided to get married and that was 21 years ago. The absolute best decision I have ever made. He gave his heart to Jesus within a year of us living together and we were married shortly thereafter. He was baptized a few years later. This man I married is totally committed to me and my family and has been a hard working man who loves my kids and now our grandchildren. My entire family loves him because of how good he has been to us. I am so grateful to God for sending him to me so quickly after my divorce.
We have been through so much chaos over the years especially in the beginning. That is a huge reason why we decided to begin this journey with Success From The Source. We have learned so much and came through victoriously in the worst of the worst stressful situations.
I love pulling weeds out of my garden. I can actually pull weeds all day, if needed! When I pull the weeds, I make sure to pull out the roots as best as possible. Why? Because the weeds will grow back again and again. When a doctor diagnoses your illness, most times they will prescribe you a drug that treats the symptoms and not something to get rid of the actual problem. So, we continue to have the illness but the doctor will keep you as comfortable as possible by downsizing the symptoms for your illness.
If we were to do our own research and due diligence, we may actually find that if we change our diet to a healthier group of foods with specific vitamins and minerals, we may be able to remove the actual illness. That is why I needed to write this today. When it comes to spiritual issues in our lives, it’s important to reflect on what actually is the problem and not just the symptoms. For example, you may be depressed and have anxiety. Most of us may turn to a temporary fix like an alcoholic drink once in a while to relax us and help numb some emotional pain. Maybe even eat more food. We may turn to anything else but trying to understand why we feel/act the way we do.
What I love about our Heavenly Father is He is always there for us even when we don’t want to see Him or look to Him for wisdom or comfort. He will never force us to do anything. He wants us to want to draw near to Him, honor and trust Him on our own. He desires that we run to Him when we need help and when we need anything. Think about it….He is our source for all things in our life. Even the physical things. Everything. If we try to fix our emotional struggles strictly via a drug, an activity, relationships or anything besides Him, we will not be totally better. To be clear, God can use activities and relationships and people to heal you. Relying on those things only and not God is the issue. If we allow God to heal our thoughts, our motivations and downfalls, and we understand why we are acting a certain way, we can be fully changed for the good.
Ask God to help you understand whatever your issue is and Why it is present in your life. You may not get a direct "why" of what is going on, and that's ok. Trust God that he will work all things out for your good and you will eventually understand the process. Ask God to forgive you if you do see that your actions were not good due to anger or pride. Ask God what is the root of your issue and He will show you if you truly want to know. He is willing and able to remove the root of the problem so you can move on in victory with your life.
If you take every single person on earth and look at their behavior, no matter how good of a person they are, you will see mistakes. You will see bad behavior, bad habits and selfishness at times. In most people, you will see good behavior as well. My point is, whoever you are married to right now, that you chose to give your lifetime commitment to, they have good and bad in them. Why did you decide to marry that person? What made you fall in love with them? Always keep that in the front of your mind and heart.
Be grateful for all the good things your spouse does for you and your kids and your family. If your wife always does so much without you even having to ask, make sure you tell her how appreciative you are! Same for your husband who works so hard, wants to protect you and be a good Dad, he needs to see that you are appreciative too. All of us will do things because we love someone, but it makes it so much more rewarding when our spouse is grateful for what we love to do for them anyway.
We all have made mistakes and will also make them in the future. I believe that if you focus only on the bad or annoying things your spouse does, then you will not last too long. But, If you can remember that you are not perfect and may do some things that your spouse may not love or like also, then it truly becomes difficult for you to be looking down at your spouse as if you don't do anything wrong.
When I say to focus on the good, I do not mean that you should never bring up issues that arise with behavior or actions you don't agree with. Of course, that is where good communication comes in and that is a different subject I'll bring up in our next blog post and video.
Understanding that you and your spouse are just 2 adults that met, fell in love and are building a solid, family foundation and legacy together, makes your marriage so much more valuable. Appreciate your spouse and be grateful for every thing they do. Give 100% of your heart to one another without reservation and that will build trust for one another over time. Jump in with all you've got from day 1. No reservations. When you love God and you know that God brought you both together, then you can trust God and your spouse. Focus on the good. Focus on what made you fall in love in the first place
